I’m a relationship person, I have no illusion that I’m not. I’m a nice mixture of romantic and realistic and am really good at making people feel loved. So needless to say, I went through a stint of time while I was single that I was actively looking for a boyfriend, because I didn’t really want to be single. I’m not saying that I had this huge change of heart and now want to stay single at all costs, because that’s not the case, but I will tell you accepting that you are single and learning how to benefit from this stage of your life is a game changer.
- Learn the real benefits of single life: And when I say real, I don’t mean the fact that you’re not committed so you can do whatever with whoever whenever you want. If casual hook ups are your thing, so be it, but that isn’t the definition of single. Being single brings benefits away from boys completely. Imagine that. It means you can spend more time on your friendships, it means that you can travel without being homesick for a person, it means that you can spend your time working on your career goals- or maybe a novel. People always pretend that singleness is completely freedom from sexual commitment and responsibility, but it has a lot more to do with the ability to give other things a higher percentage of your abilities and freedom from the time commitment.
- Identity: When we date someone they become part of us, and in fairness they should. When you’re sharing your life with someone they should have influence on you and you should on them. It’s a side effect of spending a lot of time with anyone really. But I’ve found that when we’re in our first love or in our early youth we tend to absorb more than we should. You know that whole thing about finding your other half? Don’t buy it. Being single for a while gives you the ability to figure out how to be whole without someone, and it will mean when you get in a relationship, you’ll be able to pick out someone who is also whole. Then you can be two whole people loving each other and supporting each other; properly.
- Don’t Count Down: This one really got me towards the beginning of my single life. I was doing the “I want to be married by 25 and have kids by…” Okay, now, slow down. Life doesn’t happen on a time line. We can’t pick and chose the important dates in our lives. I’m 20, I shouldn’t be worrying about it yet, if I want to worry about not having kids yet when I’m working on 35 that’s fine, but right now there is no biological rush. There is only tomorrow, and I don’t need to meet the man of my dreams tomorrow. I don’t need to rush things. Everything is happening as it should, and time is not the enemy.
- Standards: People tend to drop theirs when they are desperate for love. Learning to accept being single means that you won’t just throw yourself at someone who is a bit off. I’m not saying that there is a perfect man out there so don’t make lists of things you want in a guy. You’re going to be extremely disappointed. Rather, realize that you deserve something good for you, and that if you have to wait for it, so be it.