The “FitBit” Method:

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I don’t have a Fitbit, but I know enough people who do to understand the drive towards getting in your daily steps. It’s a big deal to beat your friends or even beat yourself. It’s a fun easy way to motivate you to be more active. It’s a genius idea.

I found myself applying that logic lazily when I thought about reaching my social activity levels. The other morning I talked to my hairdresser while getting a cut, talked to a stranger in line for 30 minutes at the social security office, and I went and ate lunch with my mom. I had this brief image of a empty bar filling right up. I felt like I reached my mandatory social needs for the day, and that even if I did nothing else for the day I wouldn’t feel isolated.

We need to be active. We need to be social. These are parts of a healthy life. We also need to drink a certain amount of water, consume a certain amount of vitamins, earn a certain amount of money, do enough positive actions, and think enough positive thoughts. We have all these daily bars to fill, and we hardly ever think about it in those terms, but maybe we should.

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The timeline of getting over someone:

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I think we’ve been trying to figure out how long it takes to get over a relationship or friendship since they started falling apart, which is to say, since the beginning of time. If you Google how long it takes to get over someone you’ll find answers like “half the time of the relationship” or “18 months” and all kind of other answers. None of us want to submit to the fact that it’s different for everyone, no one wants to talk about the relationships it took years to get over or the friendship loss from six years ago that you’re still bitter about.

It’s tough, but there isn’t any timeline.

It’s tough, but there is good news in that, and it’s that whatever you’re going through is normal. You’re normal. That always brings a big sigh of relief.

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The Year of Thanksgiving

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I always try to write a Thanksgiving post. It helps me put my life in perspective. There are so many things for me to be thankful for, and a lot of time I end up overlooking them. I’ve gotten used to not having to worry about food and shelter, so sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have it.

This year has been a little different than most though. I’m not longer struggling as much with my health. I don’t feel stuck in slow motion. A lot of exciting and meaningful things have happened to me this year and I’ve felt fully present for all of it. I don’t mean to say that I’ve been thankful for each and everything in my life as I should be, but I do mean that I’ve been more grateful over all.

You think about your shelter when you’re buying your first home. You think about love a lot when your getting engaged and married. You think about how wonderful all the people in your life are when you have them all together in one giant room for a party.

It’s just been a little different this year, and I’ve been better because of it.

Between all the sickness and sadness that surrounded it the last few years have been a wild ride. There have been good things, but everything seemed to have a heavy shadow. These years happen to the best of us, and they’ll happen to me again, that’s one of the reasons this year was so important. We need years like this to remind us how lucky we are and how much we have to be thankful for. And whether you believe it or not, years of Thanksgiving happen to us all as well. We only need to keep working upwards, they’ll eventually come.

While you’re waiting make a list of all the things your grateful for, you might find that the year of Thanksgiving doesn’t need to be the best year of your life, it might just need to be a year that you’re aware of everything.

Now that things have settled down I’m going to try to make next yea a year if Thanksgiving to, so that I can enjoy this gratitude everyday, even in the darkness, because man, does it make you feel alive.

Our Wedding Shoot: Becoming a Smith

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I finally got all my wedding pictures back from my wonderful photographer (Sarah Warden Photography) and I absolutely love them! I posted over 250 of them on Facebook, but I thought I would just share the styled shoot here instead of all the candids. After all those shots don’t mean quiet as much to people who don’t know everyone involved.

I’m thrilled with how they turned out and cannot believe how wonderful that day was. It truly was the best day of my life.

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If you look for the bad you will find it.

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It goes for people and events, if you look for the bad in something you will always find it. If you go in with a negative mindset you will find something negative, it’s a simple game of find and seek. Sometimes those bad things are big, sometimes they make us feel justified for our negative views, but the problem is, when we find multiple small negatives, we still find our mindset justified. We still think we’ve done the right thing by raining all over the parade because we found something wrong with it.

Nice going being right, I guess.

The problem is small negatives don’t make a bad person or a bad event, they don’t even make a bad group. Small negatives are everywhere, and not just in the things we hate. All your favorite people, events, and groups also have small negatives. You’re just not looking for them in them, you’re looking at them with a positive eyes, which leads to the second point, which is if you look for the good in something you will find it.

It’s the exact same as the reverse. The half full and half empty debate is raging on, but it’s too generic of a saying, it implies that you’re either always an optimist or always a pessimist. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We find good in the things we want to find good in and we find bad in the things we want to find bad in.

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“I’m starting first thing tomorrow. Today has already been lost.”

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I’ve written a lot about habits and goals and getting out of ruts lately. It’s because I’ve been in a few of them. My life is going really well, but there are minor aspects of it need to be ignited again. Hobbies need to be restarted. Diets need to be started. Friends need to be reached out to.

But I’m having problems jump starting it because I, like a lot of people, want to start tomorrow. Tomorrow normally doesn’t come, or if it does, I make a mistake and then announce that I might as well start the next day and not count today, because, who wants to start with a failure?

Already ate a doughnut? We’ve ruined the diet we might as well eat poorly the rest of the day and start clean tomorrow. Already procrastinated past your scheduled work time? Might as well just try again tomorrow, no reason to start late. Ran out of time in your week to see friends, might as well wait till next week instead of reaching out. It’s constant. Tomorrow is always better even when we said it yesterday. It’s a cycle and one we honestly don’t want to break because it’s hard to break and we don’t want to put in the work.

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Dealing with the inbetween.

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You know that feeling when you’re waiting on things to pass? Whether you’re waiting for a big career move to shake out or waiting for a doctors appointment these little moments of waiting seem to take over a big part of our lives. Sometime, it can even feel like we’re always in a stage of waiting.

It’s easy to say not to focus on it, and in someways that’s very good advice. Distract yourself, work on other projects. Pour your time into making sure you are the best you can be when whatever event roles around. There is a ton you can do to get past the wait, to move forward and not let time be completely in control of your life. And I absolutely think people should focus on doing just that.

But there is sometimes when the wait is hovering over you like a storm cloud and it’s harder to shake, even when you are pouring yourself into other things, even when you are focusing on improving and moving forward. Sometimes it’s just that dark out while you wait to be let in.

I get it. I’m even there with you.

But what is there to do? How do you learn to enjoy the inbetween?

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