False moods and false thoughts – battling mental health

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Before I say anything else I know that someone will disagree with my use of “false” all moods are real and all thoughts come to our head are thoughts, I know that, what I’m talking about is the moods and thoughts that are controlled more by our mental illness or imbalances than they are by us. They are false answers to questions we could normally answer correctly.

Those moods and thoughts are a lot of time out of our control, but how we acknowledge them and how we act on them is completely our choice. Once we know they are “false” or from our imbalances it is easier to choose to not act on them or to do so properly, the problem is a lot of these moods and thoughts feel just as real and rational as our other thoughts and learning to tell the difference between them is insanely hard.

It might be easier to know where our thoughts are coming from if we ran every one by a group of trusted peers, but even leaking some of them toxic thoughts can hurt people and it can hurt us having other people tell us what is “real” and what isn’t. So how do you go about trying to figure it out?

Sometimes thinking about what a trusted peer would say to it can help a lot. It can give you insight. Sometimes thinking about what you would say when you were more stable can give you insight. Would you have reacted this way when you were in a happier mindset? No? Why not? Would your calm and collected friend widen her eyes at your thoughts in response to something?

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My Four Favorite Pregnancy Books:

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I promised I wouldn’t become a motherhood blog, but I stated that I would share bits and pieces of this journey with you all, because this blog is focused on my thoughts and on mental health, both which have been tied to motherhood lately.

It’s also been a while since I posted a book review (but don’t be fooled- I’ve read over 80 this year) so I thought I would tackle a question I was asked recently by a friend.

What pregnancy books have a truly loved?

I know at least two of these titles are popular ones, but the other two I’m not so sure about, the fact is that almost all my books this year have been based on what my local library has available on e-book. In total I have read eleven books on motherhood this year, from pregnancy to baby books. What can I say, I like to be as prepared as I can. But here are my top four!

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Balancing our Feeds: We’re not meant to take in world changing information all the time

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A few years ago I got rid of all political news from my feeds. I still have a lot of it blocked, because it did good things for my mental health, but I let some of it back in because I wanted to be aware of what has happening in the world. I think this was a good call. I like having some knowledge without being knocked out by it. And you do get knocked out by it.

I don’t think it’s healthy to read all the tragedies of the world 24/7. That sounds like common sense, but sometimes I worry that it’s not. Sometimes I worry that people have built being hyper aware into their personalities. And if not their personalities, into their routines.

This is one of the reasons I think it’s important to follow accounts that post art, that post family updates, cleaning tips, garden inspiration, fashion goals, and all those types of things. And when I say follow those types of accounts, I mean mostly follow those types of accounts and people. Follow way more of those accounts than news accounts. Surround yourself with the good and let in a trickle of the bad.

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“Your child could be bipolar.”

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I actually haven’t heard this phrase from anyone but myself, you see, my bipolar has been controlled for years, so I have a mask of normalcy over me. I’m a stable home for a child so no one worries about it, but this is something a lot of bipolar women deal with, even if they are projecting it on themselves.

Bipolar is a genetic disease. It’s not given that your child will be bipolar if you are, but the chances are higher. I could have a bipolar child, it’s very possible, it’s even kinda likely.

So why does reproducing not bother me? Why do I not see it as a risk, or as I’m sure some anonymous poster would say “irresponsible”?

The biggest reason is because I’m bipolar and I’ve lived a wonderful life. My life has been worth living. The swings have not taken away from my value. My life has not been so horrible that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

That’s the basic and end all argument against eugenics, but I won’t go into ranting about that because I could go on for hours.

Would a child have it easier if it did not have the risk of bipolar hanging over them? Maybe, but maybe not. You hear the argument to adopt a lot in situations like these, but you have to realize, there could be a disorder and illness in any child. People have things in their genetics that are hidden and undiagnosed, some disorders and illnesses aren’t based on genetics at all and can pop up in anyone, and they do, regularly.

And I know how to deal with bipolar. I’ve lived it. I know which medications my family can take for this disorder and I know how to talk about it and find proper treatment for it. I’ve learned coping mechanisms outside of medication that I can pass down. I will raise this child to know what to look for in their emotions to help alert them of a mood swing so they can get help before they have to face the aftermath or fallout.

Who is better to raise a child with this disorder than someone who has it? Even more, someone who has the disorder and has been able to find stability and normality?

I know how to handle my family’s genetic traits, from bipolar, to bad teeth. I’m prepared for it should it pop up. But again, there is no guarantee it will. We have it in our family tree and there are a lot of us that aren’t bipolar. It’s a roll of a dice whether any of this matters.

But it is a question a lot of women wrestle with. It is a topic you’ll find in the deep web comments. And as a pregnant bipolar woman I found a need to discuss it with you incase it is a topic that’s ever crossed your mind.

Picking back up the good habits we dropped during COVID-19:

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It’s been a hard year and a half for goals! It’s been a hard year and half for everything really, but, you get my point. We’ve been told to cut ourselves slack, which is true, we needed it. We needed a break during the madness so we could properly take care of ourselves during the trying times, but it’s time to break back into the real world and start getting stuff done again.

I use an app that allows me to create daily to do lists, I even paid the extra ten dollars for a lifetime of being able to set reoccurring ones have a few other features. The app is really not that important, but the fact that I’m faced with eight bullet points under the title “habits” is. They are in my face daily. This is just one of the things I’ve tried to do to force myself into good behavior. I’ve also gotten a little help with my diet/active lifestyle by the mere fact that I’m pregnant and know I’m not just doing this for myself anymore. I have to be on top of it. Other than that? A lot of prayer and reflection trying to figure out why I struggle getting certain things going. A few motivational books. And a whole lot of trying to remind myself that I have willpower.

Willpower is a funny thing, I’ve talked about the fact that you have to exercise it to make it stronger before, but it’s also strange how when we tone it down (even for survival mode) it’s very hard to start back up. You read motivational quotes about how you can’t wait for motivation you just have to act on things, and they are right, but it’s much easier said than done. Some things really are a struggle, it brings us back to the truth that we find everywhere from the Bible to psychology text books, we do things we know are bad for us (or don’t do things that are good for us) even though we know we shouldn’t (or should). It sometimes seems like our natural response. Sometimes, I’m pretty sure it is our natural response.

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On being a support person:

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Being someone’s support person is a hard job, but as a human being who needs support, we also need to be able to give it back.

Mental illness and life’s hard moments both are known for knocking us down, and when we get knocked down we need someone more than ever. But honestly, just being alive requires having support, having someone to cheerlead you on. We need that positive push to get us through, we need someone to cheer us on when we win, and comfort us when we lose.

When you have a mental illness, or have gone through a really rough patch, it’s easy to take more support than you give, that’s okay, sometimes we need that, but I really want to talk about giving support back and creating those kinds of relationships.

Going out of your way to support someone is hardly ever going to backfire, especially because to start out, those relationships don’t take a lot out of you. They start small with words of encouragement and some extra time spent caring, then it turns into some of those bigger support tasks (whether it be waiting in the ER with someone or watching their children when they need help). Support is about being there. It’s about being a kind voice of reason and being excited for people. It’s taking an everyday good relationship and pouring a little more effort into it than you feel like is a hundred percent necessary.

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We need the sound of silence.

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Have you ever realized how rare it is for you to sit in silence now a days? And I mean truly sit, not being sucked into your smart phone or distracted by life.

If your like me your almost always plugged into music, podcasts, or audiobooks. It’s a great way to consume and learn things you wouldn’t normally have the time for. I have been flying through books thanks to audiobooks, and I’m growing because of them. But because I’m listening so much, I don’t often walk the dogs around the block without headphones. I don’t tend to do the dishes without my phone on speaker and that’s not always a positive.

We need silence to really digest all our thoughts, we need our minds to bounce around like ping pong balls going topic to topic until we find something worth settling on. We need to listen to ourselves not just outside sources, and that is getting a lot harder to do.

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