The balance in romantic relationships:

AC-Wedding-SmallWebFiles-503

I was having problems getting a new hard drive that my laptop warranty afforded me. They said it would be to me in two days. Three weeks later and three calls later it had been returned to the warehouse according to the tracker but not according to the company that sent it to me. I was beyond frustrated so I handed it over to my husband, who made one very stern and angry phone call and it was on my porch the next day. Magic! But also one of the reasons we work so well together.

He picks up on the areas I lack and I pick up on areas he lacks. I’ve talked about how all good relationships are partnerships, but it goes beyond that. It’s about finding a partner who can pick up were you let down. It’s magic when you can find someone who helps make your household more rounded. I’m not saying it should be your only goal in love, obviously there are a ton of factors that come into play when it comes to falling in love and getting married, but there is something to say about the dynamics between male and female, ying and yang, critical thinker and creative thinker.

Continue reading

Balancing: Today & Tomorrow

22

We save so much for tomorrow, so much for when we feel better, or and this is the big one, when we’re “ready”. Now, we’ve all heard it before. Live the life you’d live if you were going to die tomorrow, and that’s great in theory. It’s nice to think of life on a day to day basis, but some things take a lot more time. Somethings can’t be achieved in a day, and some things have some not-so-fun steps to get to the good part. So living like there is no tomorrow isn’t a very functional thing in this world. Than again, neither is planning just for the future. That’s clear, so how do you live in a way that’s not saving things for tomorrow and not living in the future. It’s a really hard balance to find. Here’s how I’ve found mine, at least this year, who knows where I will be in one or two more.

  • Realize that you’re never going to do something if you’re waiting till you’re ready: Seriously, no matter how much more prepared you might be in fifteen years, you’ll have other dilemma’s that hold you back. There is never going to be perfect timing to start something. You can learn to fly on the way down.
  • If it effects your health, just don’t: Okay, this one is a big one in the “YOLO” culture (or carpe deim for those who want to sound somewhat educated) the drinking, drugs, and all that. I’m not saying that a drink is going to kill you, but I’m saying that all the bottle of vodka a Saturday, late nights out, running on two hours of sleep, and wearing yourself down with stress to the point a cough across the room can get you sick. It’s not worth it, and if it’s super important you can…
  • Replace priorities: There are only so many hours in the day, and while there are a ton of them, sometimes you just overflow. You need to pick and choose. Sacrifice is a thing, make sure you lose the one that means the lease to you.
  • Beat off the idea of “not me”: If not you than who? Isn’t that the saying we always hear? Lets go with another one, if you don’t try how will you know you can’t. The thing is, even if you can’t make it, trying too almost always leads you to something else great, or shows you what was wrong with your plan, and how you can try again. It’s time to let go of the “I can’t’s” because honestly chances are if you’re passionate about it you can, but…
  • Keep it realistic: Not by saying I can’t, but by saying that you’d be satisfied somewhere. If you keep going bigger and bigger you’ll never be happy. The same thing goes with making you’re goal the biggest one possible, if you don’t make it, the progress you made won’t mean anything to you. Don’t let that happen.
  • Chart it out: Know the steps. You don’t want to live in the future, but to get to the future you have to start today. So know what’s the first step, the second one. You might find that you have to add in a few steps, and that’s fine, sometimes it takes us a little longer to make it up the steps, and that’s okay. What’s not is to only know what’s at the top and have no way to get there.

The Key to Lasting Happiness So Far.

IMG_3400This past semester has been entirely freeing and all together soul finding. I realize that’s not really a term, but I’ve really come into myself, and it had nothing to do with my classes, in fact, I’m not a hundred percent sure what triggered it. All I know is that I’ve figured out my passions, I’ve sorted out my goals, and I’ve learned what makes me happy.

Honestly I think the key to happiness isn’t as hard as people try to make it, but it’s a process. It has a lot to do with the people around you, the way you spend your time, and what you do with your livelihood. It’s something we all have to figure out, a kind of self awareness that won’t come to us until we’re ready. I’m early on this boat, from what I can tell. Many of my friends are lost in the process of being an adult in their early twenties, thinking about rules, careers, and long term choices which they might find to be short term after all. We’re trying to hard and we’re not trying hard enough.

Let me elaborate. We come up with an idea when were younger, whether it be in 6th grade or 11th, that this is what we want out of life, that this is what success looks like. Sometimes it has to do with money, other times it has to do with how many cities we can visit before we die, but it’s always restrictive in someway or another, because once we have it we only have the one path, and when that path ends up being a grown over once we start down it, well, that’s when the problems start. It’s been coined the quarter life crisis. The “what the hell am I doing with my life?!”. It’s in this way that we’re trying to hard. People like blaming society for this, but in reality we form all our opinions, so while it’s been influenced by the “american dream” and the successes and failure stories our parents raised us on, it ends up on our shoulders. Only we can stop trying to reach our ideal idea of success. You need to lose it, throw it to the side.

When I said we aren’t trying enough I was referring to our generations constant downplaying of themselves. The “I can’t achieve that” or “I’m not good enough”. We pigeonhole ourselves by downplaying our abilities, our talents. Or, by thinking our abilities and talents are good enough when they come to our idea of the perfect success.

It’s a constant, we forget that nothing is permanent, not money, jobs, even relationships. Though I’m not knocking the idea of a soul mate here, I believe in love and that they can last for a lifetime. But people die. We retire or get fired. Money means nothing when your in the ground. You don’t know how nice of a coffin your is. People travel the world on a dime.

Now, happiness is knowing what makes you happy. Saying that we all nod, because we all know what makes us happy, chocolate and college basketball, but we have to go one past that, we have to force ourselves to do the things we enjoy when we don’t feel like doing anything, and we have to above all, remove the pressure. If you’re constantly looking for happiness your not ever going to find enough for your liking. It’s when you start learning to be content in the ups and downs. Life’s a cycle of ups and downs, we need the downs to appreciate the ups and we need the downs to teach us the hard lessons. Neither the ups or downs are permanent. You have to learn how to live with life as it comes, not as you imagine it.

I guess learning how to be happy has a lot with accepting that life will never fit into our ideals, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be damn amazing. Learn what makes you happy and do it. Learn all you can no matter were you are learning, and force yourself to do what you love most, even if you don’t have much time.

The More than One Thing Dream

aWe’ve been told since birth that we pick one thing to do with our lives, and at some point, our dreams stop fighting back. We want to be a doctor, a blogger, and a mother. A writer and a graphic designer, and a photographer. A… the list goes on and on. We think that we have to pick one trade to do all our life, because that’s what’s been instilled in us. Whether it be because we were told that we couldn’t make money any other way or it be because we wouldn’t have enough time to do both.

It’s false. You can do at least half a dozen things with your life. Some people are more talented at juggling them, but anyone can learn how too. A lot of time it does result in us doing one or two things for money and then the rest as hobbies, but if you work it right there is no reason why they can’t go hand in hand. See, most people don’t look to terribly far into how they can combine their interests. Maybe you’re a doctor with a weird schedule but in your down time you blog about the time spent with your daughter, and blog about balancing work with motherhood. A lot of hobbies/interests have more in common than you’d imagine. Try spending some time researching all the types of jobs that combine them, whether it be on google or in a book (there are books written on everything). When it comes having time, I’ll repeat what every other person does: you pick your priorities and you have the same twenty-four hours as everyone else. People do these thing all the time. Figure out how to make it work for you.

Record Keeping, Technology Gathering: How to spend time in the moment while living with technology.

IMG_8581Like everything, there is a balance to be found between taking pictures and living, or really any type of recording a living. You see the photos and videos saying “put down your phones” and rightly they should. We live in a culture dominated by apps and talking with each other but not really talking to each other. It’s not gone though, plenty of people who run social media live beautiful lives with adventure and exploration. But the question always is how much of it should you record? Is the time spent snapping photos taking away from your very enjoyment of just being in the moment. Here’s some ways I’ve learned to balance them:

  • Take pictures now. Post pictures later. You’re on the top of a mountain with a sunset that could kill, you want to share it, you want to talk about it, but you’re there now, with someone standing beside you. Take a few pictures, put your phone or camera away and just watch. Be in the moment live in the moment, while still having it recorded. Don’t spend your time glancing down at a screen to see if the pictures loaded to instagram yet. That is a waste of time. Do that while you’re getting ready for bed and don’t have something more important to be doing.
  • Delete the games. People fight me on this one, they like their phone games. The entire world gets crazed with them. I don’t even know what’s popular now, I know angry birds has passed, candy crush? I wouldn’t know because I don’t have them on my phone. If I need to pass time while in a waiting room I’m reading a book or talking up the person next to me (and I’m not perfect, sometime the social media scanning comes out too)
  • Don’t friend gather. Don’t follow people to get follow backs, don’t friend people on facebook just to have a big number of friends. I know facebook is fading now in popularity but I remember in high school people would proudly say how many friends they had, now it’s folllowers on tumblr and what not. It’s silly to gather friends just to gather them. On facebook it means a lot more scrolling, as it does with most other social media, and for what? To look at things that don’t even interest you? It’s not worth the time wasted.
  • Call people every now and than. I know, everyone hates getting phone calls when they are in the middle of something, but even if it starts with a “hey can I call you?” text, talking to people on the phone is 100000% more personal for everyone involved, not to mention you can say things in a fraction of the time it would take to text it back and forth.