Life Updates: About my current relationship with my Lyme Disease

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I have a lot of posts sitting finished in my drafts right now, but another one is itching to come out of me.

I’ve been sick with Lyme Disease for over two years now, a year and a half of that almost completely thrown away, wasted as I wasted away on the sofa. The disease came sudden and it came fast, but it’s been sticking around ever since. I wrote one big post about it but it hardly goes into the hopelessness. It can hardly express the pain.

Truth is, I’m doing much better now. My doctor has pulled me off a lot of my antibiotics, though recently I back slide and had to have some reintroduced. I realized that I hadn’t shared that Monday night after even more people asked me if I was finally well. I’ve been asked that a lot actually. It doesn’t bother me much, I understand that I seem well. I’m almost at a normal activity level, I finally feel like I have my life back. I’m very happy. I can see how it all could appear to mean I’m finally healed, but I’m not yet. My Lyme isn’t in remission. I’m still actively fighting it every step of the way and it’s hard. It’s really hard. Sometimes it frustrates me to tears, but more often than not it’s lit a fire in me.

I hate calling sicknesses a blessing, but God has a way of taking curses and making them bow to His will. And He’s done that with this one. He’s given me so much perspective, so much hope, and He’s taken my world view and blended it so much that even in my fear I can see how truly blessed I am.

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Life Updates: The First of May

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I know post grad is complicated for everyone, but I feel like I’ve done a number on it these last two years. Between becoming deathly ill with Lyme Disease, changing up my bipolar medications, and trying to tackle normal post grad activities, it’s gotten a little crazy at times.

My battle with Lyme is not over, I don’t quite have it in remission yet, though I’ve been doing so well that we’ve finally started cutting back my antibiotics. I’ve been thrilled about that because being on antibiotics for a year and a half is really brutal on the body. I’m also excited because my activity level has returned to normal. I feel like I’m finally able to live my life instead of watching it fly by me while I sit unable to move on the sofa.

Health really is something you don’t truly appreciate till its gone, but I don’t think that’s a mistake I’m going to make again. After losing a year and a half to this disease and having another six months slowed by it, I can proudly say that I’m going to enjoy any health my body can manage to give me, because there is so much I want to do and see, and I didn’t realize how lucky I was because I got bit by that horse fly.

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It’s June and I’m 23. Here’s to bad years closing and lessons learned.

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Happy June! My birthday was yesterday, and I am now officially twenty-three. Let’s just say that twenty-two just wasn’t what Taylor Swift made it out to be. I made a post about my year lost to lyme and mono and I meant it in the most literal way possible. I don’t feel like I was ever really twenty-two. The entire year was lost to pain and I didn’t really move from the couch. I feel like I’m behind now, because I know that if I hadn’t of gotten sick I would be so much farther ahead. I know that I’m not, there are a lot of twenty-three year old’s still trying to figure it out, I just thought by now I’d be farther along.

So when I say I want twenty-three to be a better year for me I’m not setting the bar crazy high, in fact the bar is rather low. I know life moves in phases and no matter what we think those phases aren’t marked in years or semesters. They’re random. God and the forces on this earth aren’t really working with our calendar. So, I don’t expect it to get better right away, but I hope that this age is more giving. I hope that it has a little more mercy.

That’s not to say that twenty-two didn’t come with some valuable lessons. Here is what I learned while I was too sick to get off the couch.  Continue reading

A Year Stolen by Lyme and Mono:

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I’ve mentioned a few times that I’ve been sick, but I don’t think anyone who reads this blog really understands how sick I’ve been (unless you’re one of my real life loved ones, in which case hi! Thanks for following me online and off). There were days where my muscles physically couldn’t hold the weight of my own body. I had stomach flu symptoms, cold symptoms. My joints felt like someone was drilling screws into them from bad angles. It was terrible. People always would ask me what hurt and I couldn’t find a good way to say that I just felt like I was dying. I felt like my body was shutting down one part at a time, and frankly, I was really worried that it wasn’t going to start back up again. I realize this reads as an exaggeration, but it isn’t. I’m not blowing anything out of proportion, at least, not in this blog post.

It started right around graduation (May 2016). I thought I just had bad allergies at first, then all these other symptoms started piling on. It got real bad real fast. I went to the doctors a few times. I had an ear infection. They said. Arthritis? I was being sent doctor to doctor, because nobody knew what was wrong with me. I was two months in when my dad pointed out the infected bite I had on my thigh for just as long and that it might have been a tick. I mentioned it to my horse instructor when she asked me how I was feeling. That’s when I found out that two other people at the horse farm had gotten Lyme out there. So I went back in for the test and got put on one round of antibiotics that lasted a month.

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Healing Cuddles:

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I went out to the farm for the first time in a while. In case you didn’t know (and if your a blog reader you wouldn’t, because I keep saying that I’m getting better!) I’ve still got chronic Lyme’s. The hardest part is that I haven’t been able to ride that often.

There is good news though, I’ve started a new pain treatment that’s really helping, so I’ve gotten to ride twice this week after three weeks of nothing. The pain treatment has been nice in a lot of ways, not because I’m anywhere close to pain free, but because it is much more manageable.

I don’t feel like Lyme’s gets talked about enough. It’s something doctors don’t like to diagnose and the main test they give you throws false negatives all the time. It’s dangerous because if you don’t catch it in time it can go to your brain and leave it’s mark on you forever. I feel like I should link to the symptoms because it’s a spreading problem that needs attention.

Until I fully recover, I’ll be healing up by cuddling with my favorite boy.

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