Let’s talk online dating:

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I meet my fiance on Tinder, so lets talk dating apps, shall we? Everyone is moving to them, maybe they aren’t as cliche or frowned upon as they used to be. I remember when I started using them Junior year of college (in 2014) they still had a ton of stigma around them, and rightful so, it can be dangerous to meet a random stranger off the internet, that hasn’t changed over the past 20 years.

But what is the key to making dating apps work for you, in a way that you want them to? In the “I’m not looking for a hook-up” way, the “I’m online shopping for my future husband” way?

Here’s some things I noticed after being on and off of them for three years (about a passive year in total) and finally finding love via swiping right.

  • First things first, let’s start with safety: Maybe it’s not worth saying anymore, maybe we have all learned enough by now, but I still feel like I need to mention it. Meet your dates in a public location. Drive separately, don’t let them pick you up and don’t let them know where you live. Spend your time with them around other people and don’t get yourself into a position were you could get hurt. Tell someone where you will be and what this guys first and last name is.
  • Keep your bio direct and your motives clear: State what you’re looking for. If you want to start as friends and see were it goes, put that in there. If you’re looking for a relationship, put that in there. Maybe all guys don’t read your bio (it’s true that a number don’t) but it’ll help weed out some of the ones that do but aren’t interested in what you are. If it’s not in his bio? Ask him and ask him early on. Don’t beat around the bush. It’s needed information. You want to be on the same page. Another thing? Believe him when he says he’s not looking for anything serious and don’t bother.
  • Make them text you for a bit: It doesn’t have to be terribly long, but it’s a good idea to text someone for a few days to get an idea of who they are. I know some people go on dates the night they match or the one after, but if you want to keep yourself from going on a lot of bad first dates it’s a good idea to slow the process down enough that you have an idea of who you’re going out with.

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Most of us aren’t doing our best, but we’re still worthy

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Most the time we aren’t trying our best, let me go ahead and say that. I know that this is a unpopular opinion by the amount of vague posts I see telling people that they are. I know it’s a unpopular opinion based on the amount of times I’ve heard people sigh it under their breath when we both know they aren’t.

I know this, because I do it too. I claim that I’m trying as hard as I can, but I’m not. Perhaps I’m still trying- Perhaps I’m not for real reasons like lack of sleep and stress. Most of the time if I said the reason I’ve been failing instead of a lie about the amount of effort I was putting in people would be just as understanding, because they know as well as I do that life gets busy and messy, and sometimes we’re just downright lazy.

But let’s admit it, we’re not always trying our best. It’s a disappointing thing to hear ourselves say, whether or not our reasons are valid, because we know how much farther along we would be if we were. We know that we’d be five steps ahead of where we are if we gave it our all everyday, which is why we lie. It’s why we pretend that we couldn’t be any farther along.

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How to Embrace a Happy Lifestyle:

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Happiness is not a destination you can reach, it’s a lifestyle you have to live.

Once you realize that no matter what you achieve you always find yourself saying “I’ll be happy when…” you start to shift your perspective on what happiness actually is. No matter what our dreams tell us, we all know that there isn’t going to be a magic point and time where we are completely happy. The reason we hang onto this hope is because looking back at our past we can point out years when we were. Our memory tends to throw out the bad days sprinkled in our good months, and it’s a good thing, looking back we can say that that was what happiness feels like, but you need to have the perspective on those times. Even your best times had nights you cried yourself to sleep.

So, if we can’t all of a sudden make it to happiness how to we become happier? Happy is a lifestyle, and it’s not one anyone can maintain 24/7. What all does this lifestyle entail?

Happiness is hard work, especially when your life isn’t making it easy. I’ve always been amazed by loved ones who are happy while going through hell on earth. You always marvel and ask them how they are doing it. The answer you normally get is along the lines of “I just decided to be happy.”

It isn’t that easy, but it is that simple. Here are some ways to embrace the happy lifestyle:

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The Act of Reinventing Oneself

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I hear people talk all the time about reinventing themselves, about what their lives would be like and what all they would do. And I’ve known people who have done it quickly and drastically. A girl I went to school with completely morphed into a new person over one summer break.

When it comes to reinventing oneself I think most people try and do it to quickly, they jump at it and try to change every aspect of their lives, then are disappointed because it doesn’t work quite like they planned. You can’t change most of your life in a split instant, it takes time to add friends and clothes, to find a new job, to create new habits, and a lot of people get so impatient that they give up and say “I would reinvent myself if I had the time or the money.” Things turn into dreams quickly and who we want to be fades into a figment of our own imagination.

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Four Easy Ways to Be a Better Friend

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I’m considering this a sister post to my Four Signs it Might Be Time to End Your Friendship  post from last month. There are some really clear signs that you should end a friendship, but there are also a few things that we need to do to be a better friends to those we want to keep. I think we all have a way of saying ‘I’m a good friend’ and brushing it off. I know I do it, but there are a ton of ways I can be a better friend, and they aren’t big ones, some of them are little and easy. (Maybe I’ll make another post about the big things, the ones that mean you take people into your house for weeks at a time, but lets start small)

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Blogging Advice & Why You Shouldn’t Follow All of It:

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The internet is a wonderful place and social media has become a huge part of that wonderment. The accounts we follow are visually pleasing and on point with our aesthetic, they’re enjoyable, but they are also full of motivation and little bits of insight. A big trend in social media lately is instagraming instagram tips and blogging about blogging.

I work in social media and a ton of the tips are amazing. They’re useful and they help you grow. When I’m doing work for companies I focus strictly on growing the audience, driving traffic, and interaction. All  of these things highlighted in these blogger tips posts.

But if they are so great why am I saying you should ignore some of them?

Social media is tricky because there are so many different uses for it. If you’re running a company your social media probably should be a little different then if you’re not. As bloggers we are a little stuck in the middle, some of us are selling services and have shops, some of us are doing promoted posts, and some of us are just blogging for us. If you’re strictly doing social media for a service or a shop, this might not apply to you, but if you fall into the other two, it probably does.

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Easier Wake Ups: Tips from the Least Morning Person ever.

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So you can ask anyone in my family, or any of my college roommates. I don’t get up. It’s not even I don’t get up easy, it’s just I don’t get up. I turn off alarms in my sleep. I crawl back in bed after getting dressed. I just don’t get up. So this summer that has been my main goal. To get up and to get up at a reasonable hour. So here is what I’ve learned a month in.

  • Set Two Kinds of Alarms: Set one normal alarm for when you want to get up, then set a second alarm, one for the last possible minute you can get out of bed. I’m talking rushing and barely making it on time. After one or two times rushing and panicking you’ll start making more of an effort to make that first alarm.
  • No Snoozes: With that being said, that first alarm and that second alarm is all that you get. Wake up call and last call.
  • Put your Alarm Across the Room: I told you I turn off alarms in my sleep? This keeps me from it. It also gets me out of bed. Win-Win.
  • Pull your Blankets All the Way Down: Let the heat out of them! It makes the bed less easy to crawl into again, less comforting, less likely for you to pretend you’re just “warming up for a second”.
  • Open Your Curtains: The moment you are out of bed open the curtains turn on all the lights. It helps wake you up and it helps cut the urge to crawl back in bed.
  • Stay Vertical: Don’t sit down to pull on your pants, don’t sit on the side of your bed, once your up you don’t go back down.
  • Cold Water: Splash your face, before you put on clothes or brush your teeth. It’ll help clear the fog.