I think we’ve been trying to figure out how long it takes to get over a relationship or friendship since they started falling apart, which is to say, since the beginning of time. If you Google how long it takes to get over someone you’ll find answers like “half the time of the relationship” or “18 months” and all kind of other answers. None of us want to submit to the fact that it’s different for everyone, no one wants to talk about the relationships it took years to get over or the friendship loss from six years ago that you’re still bitter about.

It’s tough, but there isn’t any timeline.

It’s tough, but there is good news in that, and it’s that whatever you’re going through is normal. You’re normal. That always brings a big sigh of relief.

Relationships mean different things to different people, some friendships mean more than romantic relationships of the same length. It’s all case by case and person by person. You can’t let anyone tell you that what you’re going through is unusual and you can’t let anyone tell you that what your feeling is wrong.

Anyone refers to yourself too. Stop degrading yourself for not moving on fast enough. Stop hating yourself for being slow to move on. It’s not up to the world how long it takes you to mourn someone who meant something to you.

That doesn’t mean there isn’t healthier ways to move on from someone and that you shouldn’t try to contain your mourning so it doesn’t control your life. There are ways to distract yourself and avoid triggers that we should all use. Who really should follow their ex on instagram? Especially when something like the mute button exists. But minimizing the hurt doesn’t make it go away, it just puts it on the back burner.

I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to put things on the back burner while you work on moving on. Just try not to still be stirring the pot. It’ll simmer down to nothing soon enough.