Equine Study: Casper, the friendly white horse.

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It’s been forever since I posted an equine study post. Too long if you ask me. It’s because I don’t take my camera to the farm much and most my horse photos are bad quality cell phone photos taken in harsh sun.

So imagine, I go out to the farm, it’s my birthday, and the only horse that will let me take good pictures of him is Casper. My horse? He was either trying to eat my camera or so angry that I wasn’t letting him eat my camera that he wouldn’t face me. It was really rewarding.

Anyways, a little about this beauty to go along with the photos. Casper’s person is a soon to be middle school girl who is amazing, she has him trained better than I have D’Artagnan. His name is also much easier to pronounce and has a clear inspiration source.

I actually like that about D’Artagnan’s name. I named him when I was fourteen, because my sister said a few month earlier that I should name him that while watching The Three Musketeers. I had told her that I wasn’t going to, but then somehow standing in front of him I couldn’t come up with anything better. So I named him D’Artagnan, and the beautiful thing is I grew into his name. At fourteen I was big on reading, but I wasn’t really well read. So how fitting is it that I became an English major with a horse named after a character from such classic literature?

Personal Responsibility & Accountability:

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We don’t hear a lot about personal responsibility and accountability anymore, or at least, I don’t online and I didn’t on my college campus. It’s an easy thing to try and brush off, nobody wants to take full responsibility for their life. It’s so much easier to blame things on circumstances. After all, our circumstance did effect us, why shouldn’t we blame our choices on them?

The whole problem with that is despite how we were raised, what happened to us in the past, or what other people think of us, our choices are still up to us. Every decision we make we are responsible for. It’s time we start owning up to that, because by saying that we aren’t in control of the bad things we admit that we’re not in control of the good things, because whether you like it or not, it’s a two way street, and to say your not in control of anything… well, that’s a flat out lie.

We know it’s a lie because we see people conquer the same circumstances that we face regularly. We constantly hear people own up to their mistakes, their bad decisions, their regrets. We know it’s possible, but we still excuse ourselves for the same things. We freeze before going into the so grossly overused “it’s different!” defense.

We’ve been saying that for years, when are we going to realize that it’s not a good enough excuse? When are we going to pick ourselves up, when are we going to stop blaming everyone but ourselves?

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Words Matter: What have you been taking in lately?

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I saw a post recently that simply said “words matter”.

I kept scrolling because the statement seemed to obvious to bother. I’m a writer. I know words matter. What we put out into the world has a huge impact on how we are viewed. We’ve seen celebrities at their highest point fall because they say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Of course words matter.

Then there was a post right below it about what it takes to be a successful person and one thing listed was “surround yourself with people who talk about ideas not other people.”

That’s when I stopped scrolling.

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It’s June and I’m 23. Here’s to bad years closing and lessons learned.

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Happy June! My birthday was yesterday, and I am now officially twenty-three. Let’s just say that twenty-two just wasn’t what Taylor Swift made it out to be. I made a post about my year lost to lyme and mono and I meant it in the most literal way possible. I don’t feel like I was ever really twenty-two. The entire year was lost to pain and I didn’t really move from the couch. I feel like I’m behind now, because I know that if I hadn’t of gotten sick I would be so much farther ahead. I know that I’m not, there are a lot of twenty-three year old’s still trying to figure it out, I just thought by now I’d be farther along.

So when I say I want twenty-three to be a better year for me I’m not setting the bar crazy high, in fact the bar is rather low. I know life moves in phases and no matter what we think those phases aren’t marked in years or semesters. They’re random. God and the forces on this earth aren’t really working with our calendar. So, I don’t expect it to get better right away, but I hope that this age is more giving. I hope that it has a little more mercy.

That’s not to say that twenty-two didn’t come with some valuable lessons. Here is what I learned while I was too sick to get off the couch.  Continue reading

6-4-17: A Late Afternoon Photo Diary

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I realized late afternoon yesterday that I need to start carrying my giant DSLR around with me again. I’ve gotten really lazy about it because my phone has a camera like everyone else (even though it really needs an upgrade, even if just for the camera). I forget how much that giant camera makes me want to take pictures and I forget just how much there really is to take pictures of.

I’m a strong believer that we shouldn’t be recording every second of our lives, but I forget how beautiful some of those moments are. For example, yesterday afternoon after a flash storm. My yard was overcast and it seemed to be calling me out to come take pictures of it.   Continue reading

An Open Letter to those Struggling with Depression and Suicidal Thoughts:

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I wanted to start this letter with “you are loved” and “it will get better” but those are messages you read all the time and right now it doesn’t matter how many times you read them you will not believe them, it’s not just hard for you to, it’s almost impossible for you too. That is what illness does to your brain. It makes it impossible to see the good.

I’ve been really depressed twice in my life, both for different reasons. The first time was in middle school, after three years of social torture and a ton of bullying I was so depressed my parents pulled me out of the 8th grade because I was suicidal. Then again, when I was 16, because my medication for my bipolar disorder was bringing some serious health issues along with it. I was removed from the medication and fell into depression because of my disorder. So, one was triggered by events and one was triggered purely by my brain. One kind is not better than the other.

Instead of telling you about your situation I’m going to tell you about mine. I would have missed proms, weddings, graduations. I would have missed reuniting with one of my past best friends. I would have missed saving three different lives from taking themselves. I would have missed two different years that at the time I proudly proclaimed “I’ve never been happier in my life.”

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Motivation and Action: What the key to success is.

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“If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”
― Lemony Snicket

I’m here to talk about motivation. Motivation is a really magical thing. It’s something that gets our blood pumping and it gets us excited about getting done what we need to get done. Motivation, some would argue, is a key to success.

I’ve read blog posts on blog posts on how to get motivated. There are a lot of way to try and create motivation, reading certain things, listening to certain things, triggering any sort of inspiration we can find. We should try and be motivated, it’s a good thing.

Motivation, however, is not the key to success.

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